When our love was brand new, we would talk about our lives and our future together. Ryder’s Dad never knew his father, and that was a heartache that he never wanted his future children to go through. He always told me that when he had children, he would do whatever it took to keep his family together. He wanted to be the Father that he never had, and I knew how much this meant to him. He was so different from most of the guys that I knew, he made me feel secure. Both of us came from broken homes, and when we talked about our relationship, we both agreed, that we didn’t want that for our future. We knew from early on that we wanted to get married and have a home and a family together. We would talk about what kind of house we wanted, and how we wanted our life to be . We were so in love, but for some reason, no matter how much we wanted to be together, there was always a road block.                 

      While I was living in Charleston, we both dated other people. Rebounding, to stop the heartache, and try to bring normalcy to our new lives without each other. He turned to partying and hanging out with the wrong crowd. When I returned to Savannah, we had hope for a moment, just a single day to be exact, but would of course be another road block by my parents. We could not even contact each other. No cell phones, no texting, no face book . My parents were really strict, and I could only hang out with guys at school or church. Even if I was able to date outside of those boundaries, Ryder’s Dad would have been totally off limits because of our history. After being separated again at my parents house, he continued on to drown his sorrows for the next year. In the midst of that, a pregnancy. I heard of the pregnancy through a close friend and I just buckled to the ground in tears. I knew then that the chance of our future together was over, because i knew how passionate he was about being a good father. I had to get myself together and just accept the fact that it was over. He would always have my heart but I would have to move on.  By the age of 17, I moved out of my parents house.                                           As the years passed, we would frequent parties in our neighborhood and because we had the same mutual friends, we would be there at the same time. Ryder’s Dad was married by this time, and we accepted that fact, but every time we would see each other, our hearts would beat out of our chests. We were both with other people but our hearts had not forgotten that first love. We never tried to contact each other or make any motions to let each other know how we still felt. We just both knew. One day,during my first year in college, we ran into each other on the road  in our neighborhood, and we just stopped in our cars and smiled. This was the first time that we had come face to face without anyone else around. In our nervousness, we immediately left that spot and met each other in a parking lot, so that we could talk.  We embraced  each other again. During that hour or so, we just poured out our heart to one another. I could finally tell him how much I still loved him, and just as my heart knew, the feeling was mutual. He began to tell me that He didn’t want to get married, but he thought it was the right thing to do so that he could raise his child. She told him that the baby would not have his last name, and he wouldn’t be able to see him, if he didn’t marry her. He was miserable and felt trapped. He knew in his heart that he was making a mistake and he wished it would have been me. I told him how hurt I was when I found out that he was having a baby. That was suppose to be us someday. He threw his arms around me and held me. We didn’t know where to go from that moment so we just left it at that. We felt better that we were able to get out all of the emotions that we had held in for so long. We just anticipated the next time we could talk again. I lived a couple of houses down from him with a friend and I was in my first year of college. A couple of days later, I heard a knock at my window in the middle of the night. There he was, soaking wet, and asking me to let him in. I jumped out of bed and ran to the front door to let him in. He said that he had gotten into an argument with her, and she threw water on him. I couldn’t believe he was in my house. My heart was beating so fast, and I was so excited, that I could not sleep. We stayed up for most of the night just holding each other and just going over all the things that we wanted to say. You see, we still had not really talked about everything that happened when I moved to Charleston. It was a very romantic night, even though it was never intimate. It was just a special night. Having just a taste of what our life would be like, if we would have made it. We just wanted to talk and enjoy that pure love that we had longed for the last few years. That void in our hearts was filled for the night, but we knew it wouldn’t last.  We wanted to just walk away from everything and start a life together. We loved each other so much, but there were other people to consider, and so we had a decision to make.
I decided that he needed to go home and raise his young child. I would find out later what I was sending him back to, and if I would have known, I wouldn’t have. He just told me that he wanted out, and that he wanted us to be together. He didn’t tell me all of the issues that he was dealing with at home. I thought I was doing the right thing, even though my heart was begging me not to. So reluctantly, he left, and then again it was over, or at least, we both thought.

The morning came quickly, and it had been a long night of tears and pleading. I thought that she had changed her mind, but she just told me that, to stop me from begging. My first thought was I needed to find him and let him know that I was still here, but before I could get to the phone, my father pulled up. I was trapped, no where to run, no way to say goodbye, no way to let him know how much I loved him. I had so many things to say to Ryder’s Dad. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for being sent away and breaking his heart. I wanted to tell him that I would always love him no matter how far I moved and no matter how long I was gone. My Dad came in and told me to pack my things and get in the car. My heart was so broken, I could hardly breathe. We were never able to say goodbye, and that was the hardest part. I didn’t know if I would ever come back, and all of our plans and all of our dreams that we shared were quickly slipping away. We drove away that day, and I looked around to see if I could get one last glimpse at him before we left the neighborhood, but it didn’t happen. This was it, this was the end of us, and the reality was sinking in.                                                                                             My first month in Charleston,and I was so depressed. They made sure that I had no communication with him. By the second month, I found out that I was pregnant. Everyone was in shock and I was so nervous yet excited. This was the way back home and the way back to Ryder’s Dad, and my hope was quickly rekindled. I laid in the bed at night and talked to the baby and told him that I was so happy, and that I couldn’t wait to be back with his Dad and for us to meet him. I was so young and I wasn’t thinking of the reality of what was happening. All I felt were the emotions, and the fact that they could not separate us now. My Dad was so upset with me and told me that he was not ready to be a grandfather. In his confusion, he called my Mother and explained the news to her. She decided to visit Ryder’s Dad and tell him that I was pregnant and she was bringing me back home. He was so excited and promised her that he would do whatever it took to take care of me and the baby. He would get three jobs if he had to, whatever it took to stand up and be the man he would have to be. My Dad did not like the decision that my Mother had made. I was young and he felt like he was being a responsible parent. In the meantime, my Step Mother worked at the hospital, and she had set up an appointment with a doctor for an abortion without my knowledge. She picked me up from school and took me to my Grandmother’s house. She locked me in the bedroom and took the phone out because she knew I would flip out. I still didn’t know what was happening, until we got to the hospital and my Dad was there. The doctor told me that because I was under 18, and a minor, it wasn’t my choice, and I had to do it. My Dad said that when it was over, my Mom would be there to get me, and I was going back to Savannah. I know now that he and my stepmother loved me and felt like they were doing what was best for me. At the time, I was devastated and in shock and once again my heart was broken in pieces. My Mom pulled up to get me. I watched through the window as they argued, and he told her what happened. She came in and told me goodbye. I could hardly take it. I had just went through the most horrible heart break, and she just left me there..after all that. And that was it..left there. She returned to Savannah and went to visit Ryder’s Dad. She told him that the baby was gone, and I was not coming back. He cried his heart out all day and never left his house. The hope that had returned, was quickly shattered. So that was the end,  or that’s what we both thought.

For the next year, I had to try to move on and try to make the best out of my new life in a new city. As far as we both knew, this is where I would be for the next few years. I made lots of friends and even started to date again at school, but he was always in the back of my mind and of course consumed my heart. I heard that he was dating as well, but somehow I always knew that if we could just see each other again, no one would keep us apart. Then at the end of the school year, to my surprise, my Dad gave me the option to move back with my mother. All of a sudden my depression was gone and hope filled my heart once again. My Dad thought that I would want to stay in my new life, but in the back of my mind, the closer I could get to Ryder’s Dad, the happier I would be. I could finally tell him everything that I was not able to say before I left, and what happened to me while I was in Charleston. Even though I was never able to talk to him, I knew in my heart, that he felt the same way So then I was back in Savannah, and here we were, standing in front of each other again. Just as I thought, when he found out I was back, he dropped everything and came over to ask my Mother and new Step Father if we could have another chance. He said that we would do things the right way and not sneak around. We would do whatever they wanted us to do, so that we could be together again. They decided not to let us because of what we had been through, and they told us to say goodbye. Ryder’s Dad was so upset, and he tried to argue with them for a few minutes, and he even told my Step Father that he had nothing to do with the situation. He asked my Mom to please let us see each other, but of course she stood by my Step Father’s decision.  He huffed out the front door and I chased after him. He grabbed me and held me as I was sobbing ,and he was trying to pull himself together for the both of us. Through the tears, he decided not to fight them because they may send me away again. He wiped the tears away from my eyes and told me he would always love me, but to stop more heart break, we had to let each other go. As he walked away, once again we were separated from what we both wanted more than anything in this world. Each other. That was the end, or at least we both  thought.

Our Story

This is the story of first loves that were separated against their will and reunited over 20 years later. The happily ever after was not without tragedy. While living in the midst of a romantic reunion, that we had prayed for our whole lives, we were dealt once again a bad hand. We suffered the loss of our blue eyed baby boy, Ryder, at 21 months for reasons that are still undetermined, and we may never know this side of Heaven. It was tragic and unexpected, but through God’s help, we were able to pull through and be more in love today. I hope that God will use our story to help others who have experienced loss in their own journey, to find hope, happiness, and peace again in their story. He promises to give you the desires of your heart if you put him first. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4. In our case, it took over twenty years, but he made it into a wonderful story. Our story,  full of love, loss, heartache, and hope, that came around full circle.          Just the fact that our blue eyed boy ever made it into this world was a miracle in itself. You see, almost 27 years ago, I stood in front of Ryder’s Dad crying as he was wiping the tears from my eyes. I had just moved home from a year in Charleston, living with my Father, and we had spent the afternoon pleading with my Mother and Step Father to allow us to see each other again. This was our first time seeing each other after being separated for a year, and the little time that we spent together  was an emotional roller coaster. Earlier in the day, we met at his house. I walked up to his house as he was standing in the doorway. I was unsure of the reaction he would have, since we had not spoken at all for over a year, but just like I thought, that feeling of love and excitement just came flooding back. This was it, the moment I had dreamed about, we were back together. When I was sent to live with my Dad, we thought that our relationship was over. We had no choice as we were torn from each other’s lives so abruptly a year earlier, and we had to accept the fact that my new life would be in Charleston and I would never return. We embraced each other for what seemed like an hour. It felt so exciting and yet so familiar, as if we picked up right where we left off. After spending some time catching up, we knew in the excitement of the moment that we would have to face my parents. We left his house and walked to mine, just down the road, and ended up in my living room pleading our case.My parents listened to us, but it was a resounding no. How could this be happening? We were so excited and now my heart was breaking right in front of them once again.                                                                                                                                                                     A year prior to this was the year 1989. We were just a couple of kids that were head over heals in love with each other, first loves in fact. The kind of love that you never forget, so innocent, so pure, not yet jaded by heartache or betrayal. The way love was meant to be. At the time we met, he was being raised by his Aunt and Uncle and I visited his cousin often, she was one of my best friends. One day he decided to walk me home and that is where it all began. As we walked up in my driveway, and he  was turning to leave, he stopped and moved in for a first kiss. I was so full of emotion. On top of the world. This tall dark and handsome young man was interested in me and the feeling was mutual.  From that day forward, we were together everyday. My Mom was a single mom raising my sister and I, and she had just started going to church. She allowed us to “date” as long as he went to church with us, so he did. We went on weekdays and weekend nights, whatever it took to be together. But soon, that wasn’t enough. We began to sneak around and meet at different places so we could see each other more. I had never experienced a love like this and somehow I just knew that he was “the one”. He was worth the trouble I would be in if we got caught.

Then it happened, my Mother found out that we were seeing each other outside of the boundaries. We had become to close and in a relationship that was unacceptable at our age. And just like Romeo and Juliet, we didn’t let that stop us even if it meant that we had to continue to sneak around. Every chance we had, we were together and I was living a life behind my mother’s back. We knew that it was risky, but it was our whole world, and we couldn’t live without each other no matter the cost. But then the cost caught up to us, we were caught red handed in our house by my Mother. In the wee hours of the morning, she called my father and told him that he would have to come and get me. I would have to move to Charleston. Two hours away with no cell phones, no internet, no free long distance calls…the chance of communication was non existent especially with the distance involved. We were devastated when we heard her say that to my Father, and we made a split second decision to run away. We fled out the back door and down the road to an abandoned house.